How Do You Know When You Really Know Someone

March 18, 2022 Post a Comment

If in that location are three words that I personally recollect get driveling (or misused) a lot, it'due south "dear," "friend," and "know". I mean, think nigh information technology — how is that the same word y'all would use for your favorite flavour of ice cream is the same discussion you lot would utilise to describe how y'all feel almost your meaning other (love)? Or, when you recall about all that you and your bestie take been through, how do the people yous barely speak to — allow lonely run across — on social media get the aforementioned title as they exercise (friend)?

Most of yous probably experience me on those two words, but "know"? What's my consequence with that?

I always establish it interesting, and also pretty absurd, that if you read the New King James Version of the Bible, when it talks virtually a husband having sex with his wife, "knew" is the word that's used (Genesis 4:25). He wasn't smashin' or hittin' — he was getting to know her better.

To me, information technology cosigns what I call back about the word "know"; that, in many ways, only like when information technology comes to dearest or friend, it'south a sacred word. Folks can't be out here just casually claiming to know someone. At that place should be a sure kind of criteria that qualifies them to say that. For starters, the five following things must apply.

What Information technology Means To Really Know Someone

You've Had Bonafide Shared Experiences with Each Other

"Know" is a pretty layered word. Two of my favorite definitions of it are "to perceive or sympathise as fact or truth" and "to understand from feel or attainment." If you know someone, yous've experienced some things with them. Experiences are personal accounts.

When I retrieve of experiences, I recollect of good times and tough times. I retrieve of the people who were in that location for me during my latest heartbreak or the ones who can phone call me when they are short on a bill. Even when I think near the people I've gone to the movies with or had lunch with, it served some kind of a purpose beyond the surface. So yep, for someone to say that they know me, we've spent some personal time together. Definitely.

They've Consistently Communicated with Yous Within the Last 12-16 Months

How is it that supposedly it takes 21 days to intermission a habit, simply someone who hasn't spoken to you lot in five years is able to say that they know you? Shoot, with all of the self-work I've done over the past year or so, I barely know me (that's a joke— kinda), so I know folks I haven't seen since college don't.

Even the guys who've known me in the biblical sense, because it'south been then long ago, I don't profess to know anymore. I'm pretty sure their beefcake hasn't changed, merely time changes people mentally and emotionally, so hopefully they've evolved to the point where it's more accurate to say that I knew them.

My point? A office of the reason why nosotros call people on the phone or have trips with them, etc. is so that nosotros can remain connected to them throughout all of the things in life that change us over time. Things that evolve us and (hopefully) mature us.

I won't prevarication. Being away from some folks feels like missing two years of a soap opera; you run across them again and it's like y'all didn't miss a thing. Only overall, if it'south been 1-1½ years and you haven't been in impact with someone, it's pretty bold to merits that you lot know them. Same goes for them professing that they know you.

Because think about it — if someone knows you so well unless they are in another country without telephone access, why haven't yous connected with them on some level inside the past year-and-a-half anyway?!

Your Relationship with Them Goes Beyond Social Media

Personally, I oasis't been on social media for most a decade, so I'll tread softly hither. I volition say that when I was on it, the platform was Facebook and my page was pretty much a identify where folks would debate hot topics. Aside from counseling, I wasn't doing a lot of "caring and sharing" on at that place, though. I prefer to go on the phone to exercise that. To this day, my circle knows that if you have my number (which might be 10 people, literally), that means you know me; that nosotros actually are homies.

However, I do know a lot of people who will comment on celebrities or even just people they follow online like they are close friends with them based on what those folks mail on their own pages. Heed, people show you what they want you to see. Don't allow that brand you think that you truly know them, though.

Just because yous come across things about someone doesn't mean you lot know them.

They Can Provide More Details than Gossip

Remember how one of the definitions of the word "know" is someone who has facts and truth? Chile, is at that place more that needs to be said on this 1? Who can you say yous know facts (opinions are not facts) about? Who can say they know the truth (opinions are non truth either) about you?

For the record, some gossip is truth. But if you let someone into your life to the signal that they know you, they shouldn't exist the kind of folks who would tell your business organisation. Feel me?

If someone professes to know you and information technology'due south only based on hearsay, they don't. They know what they heard, and vii times out of ten, either that has very little to practice with the existent you or the people in your circle talk as well much and you demand to set new boundaries when information technology comes to dealing with the people you know.

You Agree with Them

This one is my favorite. Knowing is most intimacy and information technology's hard to exist truly intimate when it's one-sided. There used to exist a time when, whenever someone would come to me with something they heard from someone who claimed to "know" me, I got frustrated. These days, I don't because no one tin claim to know me without my agreeing with them that they practise.

I say that because no one knows the truth and facts about me like I do. Therefore, I accept a say on who thinks that they do.

Right now, I know who can confidently say that they know me. Nosotros've been through some things together, nosotros've connected inside the past couple of months (at least), they accept my phone number, they've got facts on me (not all of them are stellar merely I will admit they are the truth) and in that location is a mutual intimacy between us.

Yes. It feels good to know and exist known. It feels even better to know I've got total command over that beingness the instance.

Sis, so do yous.

Featured image by Getty Images.

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